


You Know You Read Too Much Shakespeare When

by orphan_account



Category: SHAKESPEARE William - Works
Genre: Gen, List, Shakespeare, how does one tag things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2480261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>. . . the whole world starts making sense. I will not apologize for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Know You Read Too Much Shakespeare When

YOU KNOW YOU READ TOO MUCH SHAKESPEARE WHEN. . . .

  * You are scandalized when someone uses the word “will” in a sentence.

  * You quote Shakespeare at random intervals in the conversation.

  * You are the only person you know who still finds puns hilarious.

  * When somebody says, “Wherefore should we eat lunch?” you grind your teeth.

  * In English, you choose _The Invention of the Human_ as your independent reading project.

  * When the bus stops at Stop 2B, you smirk and say under your breath, “Or not.”

  * When somebody you dislike tells you to do something, you respond with, “Yes, sirrah.”

  * Your friends are Sherlockians and Whovians. You're a Stratfordian.

  * You have a crush on Lawrence Olivier.

  * Of course you know who [insert megapopular British actor here] is! He's the lead actor in that Shakespeare movie. . .

  * You have trouble explaining to your school counselor why you want to go to Wittenberg for college.

  * You write fan letters to Shakespeare critics.

  * It's not cosplay, idiot, it's performance art.

  * When you see a couple on a first date and overhear this conversation:




        GIRL: You're smiling. . . what are you thinking about?

        GUY: Nothing.

        . . . you have to leave before you explode.

  * Doublets are sexy.

  * When watching a fencing match, you can't concentrate because you're too busy trying to figure out where the poison is this time.

  * All your fictional crushes are dead.

  * You know for certain that the best way to get the attention of a guy is to start cross-dressing and following him wherever he goes.

  * You swoon whenever you find yourself standing on a balcony.

  * You see red when your over-the-top English teacher starts reciting “To be or not to be” while holding up a skull.

  * “Zounds” is the shocking cuss word of your choice.

  * You privately refer to your friends and their love interests as “Beatrice and Benedick”, “Orlando and Rosalind”, “Othello and Desdemona”, etc.

  * You know an impressive amount about Early British history and politics, but begin to tear up whenever the discovery of Richard III's skeleton is mentioned, and shout down anyone who says he didn't really have a twisted arm.

  * You read this entire list and understood everything.




 

 


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